


The Trial of Sgt. James Barnes

by Mntdewtop



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes is a musician, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky can Sing, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Fluff, HYDRA asshats, HYDRA torture, I Don't Even Know, Love At Its Finest, M/M, Nightmares, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pietro Maximoff Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-09 00:29:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7779718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mntdewtop/pseuds/Mntdewtop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trial of Stg. James Barnes and life after with Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

   Steve paced in his apartment, sure if he kept to it he would burn a trail in the carpet so grabbed his keys and rushed down the stairs. That's where he is now, all thoughts drifted to Bucky. Not two weeks ago his best friend walked to SHIELD HQ, getting on his knees and lifted his arms behind his head. And Steve wasn't there. Steve wasn't even there, there for the person who received black eyes and bloody noses when he had gotten in fights alone, made him laugh, grieved with him when he had lost his ma, worked all day to house him, hoverd over him when he was sick and sung while he sunk in to a well needed sleep. All Bucky. The center of his world. Steve turned on the radio to drown the depressing thoughts,

' _Somebody said you disappeared in a crowd, I didn't understand then, I don't understand now. Am a the one you think about when-'_

Steve clicked to a new station, 

_'I'll be a better man today, I'll be good, I'll be good, and I'll love the world like I should, I'll be good, I'll be good, for all the times I never could, my past has tasted bitter, for years now, so I wield an iron fist, grace is just weakness, or so I've been told, I've been cold, I've been merciless, but the blood on my hands scaresme to death, maybe I'm waking up today-'_

another station

' _if the jury read your mind you'd go away for quite some time, would that make us new?-'_

station change

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you-'

And another

' _well after all this time you still owe, you're the good-for-nothing I don't know, so take your gloves and get out, better get out, while you can, when you go, would you even turn to say, I don't love you, like I did, yesterday-'_

_'Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness get bigger, the person you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger-'_

_'Did someone break your heart inside, you're in ruins-'_

_'If you love me let me go, if you love me let me go, cause there words are knives that often leave scars, the fear of falling apart, truth be told, I never was yours , the fear, fear of falling apart-'_

_'You are, you are, never coming home, never coming home, could I, should I, and all the things you never ever told me, and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me-'_

_'You might wake up one day and notice you're someone you're not, if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out firsthand what's it's like to be me-'_

_'I if love is what you need, a soldier i will be-'_

Steve slammed the button off, almost in tears. 

The parking lot was full of cars. Protesters with signs stood yelling things to each other, things about how horrible bucky is or how he is a war prisoner. There was a parking space hidden behind a tree, Steve pulled out his keys and sat back against the seat, closing his eyes.

"Why did it have to be him." Steve talked with closed eyes, more of a statement then a question. "Why of all people on Earth did it have to be Him? Why not me? Why not the next guy? " Done with his questioning he walked to the door.

The dim room lit with yellow lights was filled with squeaks of wet shoes, papers ruffling and reporters reporting to big cameras.

"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere, Capsickle!" Tony shouted, his choice of outfit wear is a neat blazer over a 80's band t-shirt and black pants. "They're just about to open the doors."

He walked in front of Steve leading him to his small group of friends, Sam, Natasha and Nick. Steve smiled gently at them, a few nodded back. A officer opened a extremely tall door, Steve rushed in to sit in the front row, closest to Bucky. The large room was jammed packed full. Jury box full of people. Elbows and asses as Bucky always used to say, Steve suddenly felt himself feel sad.

A darker skinned man walked in a door wearing a black robe, Tony (who hired the best team of lawyers and informed him about things had told him the judge is named Jim.

"All rise." Another officer who stood by the judges stand, which Jim walked to and sat. "You may be seated."

The door closer to Steve opened. Bucky walked slowly through held by his arms by two officers. Bucky's face had dark circles under his eyes. But both had several hand cuffs that made his hands red and one with a long chain wrapped around his stomach, connected to even more hand cuffs to from far away Steve could still tell it was way too tight on him. The only thing Steve could do is grip the wooden Bench underneath him. The placed Bucky in a chair directly infront of Steve.

Jim hit a small hammer on his desk. "The trial of Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes. Court is now in session. I'd like to call Natasha Romanov to the stand."

Natasha's red hair was straight, face unapologetic. A normal look she had when on serious missions .

A man with a plain suit strutted to her. Tony had told him he was a lawyer named Tom Fisher. Steve stared daggers into the side of his head.

"Ms. Romanov, what is your relation with Sgt. Barnes?" Fisher leaned his elbow on the stand.

"He was a trainer in The Red Room, there he trained me and several other people. "

"So willing trained, highly dangerous assassins?"

"Nothing in relation with HYDRA is with consent. "

"So you are saying Mr.Barnes was brained washed. " He smiled at the jury. 

"Yes. HYDRA had a machine that wiped the temporal lobe, where memories are held, clean."

"And they only used this machine on him?"

"Yes."

They went back and forth, Natasha giving smooth remarks, she was happy with herself when he retreated to his table .

Natasha sat behind Steve while Nick rolled a small TV screen, standing proud with all eyes on him.

"I always believed that a picture tells a thousand words, so let the pictures talk."

The first picture had almost an entirely white room, the only color in the picture was surgeons covered in blood standing over Bucky, his eyes open and metal fist blurry from movement.

Bucky held a gun in his hand, his body said trained assassin. His face reading scared child.

The next was a video. Bucky was tied at his wrists and ankles. Blood run down his body and face. He screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'll never tell you where Steve Is! Go to Hell! I'ma' not telin' you sonsofbitches nothin'!"

A guard moved across the table in this film. He whispered something in his ear. Bucky dropped his head in his hands, his shoulders shook. Bucky wailed after silent sobbing. " _ **No**_ " Bucky lifted his head, covered in blood except the lines from tears. Defeat. Bucky was completely defeated. 

The screen went blank. Nick walked back to the benches without permission. 

The judge was blank. "Uh. I'd like to call Steven Rogers to the stand." He was clearly distraught from the presentation. 

Steve's body felt droopy and dizzy. His hands were sweaty. The wooden chair behind the stand felt to small. Fisher was in front of him, studying his close.

"What's your relation with Mr. Barnes?"

The room was tilting a little. "I one word. I'm his best friend. "

"That's it?" Fisher raised his eyebrow. 

"Like I said in one word. You want another? Asshole. He's my soul mate. Boyfriend. Love of my life. My Sargeant. Roommate. My one and only. " Steve looked at Bucky, "I love him." Bucky looked away, Steve could swear he saw a tear shine down his stubble covered cheek. "I love him more than anyone loved anybody before. He let me know that, but I fucked up." The camera people gasped. 

The judge slammed his hammer once more. "Court dismissed. "

Steve was mad. Steve is furious. He got out of his chair, he walked to Bucky "I love you with all my heart." Bucky tried to move his hands but hand cuffs restricted him to a short arm movement. But that set off the guards, four of them rushed and pulled him to the door violently, dragging his legs behind him. He was gone people moved around him untill Steve ran as fast as he could to his truck and sped to his apartment. He passed out with his shoes on in bed. A nock at the door. Another. Then rapid nocking. 

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Steve opened to door still half asleep. Tony was in the door holding two cups of coffee and books under his arm.

"Morning sleepy head."

"The fuck' you so happy bout'."

Tony handed a cup to him, "one iced Americana for the iced Americano. Looks like you're not a morning person. " Tony let himself in,

"Thanks Tony, what are those? " Steve gestured to the books Tony sat on the table. 

"Well, I should go. You should be expecting a call. Congrats,  Cap. " Tony shut the door behind him, only a coffee cup in hand.

Steve flipped through a book  _how to care for loved ones with mental illnesses_ he wanted to throw it out the window but his phone rang. 

"Hello?"

_"HI, Mr.Rogers. the jury has reached the decision to drop all charges against Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes. He is at the court house."_

"I'll be there in ten minutes." Steve felt like his stomach was on fire. He got his buddy, best friend,  _his bucky_ back.

He tried to wear clothes that looked similar to before he joined the service. His feet flew down the stairs and drove even faster than the previous night. The court house was empty. A lady was at the front desk.

"Hi, I'm Steve Rogers and I'm here James Barnes. "

"Oh, yes. I'll take right there." She walked along Steve to a glass door. "A physical evaluation and mental evaluation has been done by Dr.Greg" the receptionist opened the last door. A woman with a lab coat was sitting at a desk "Dr. Greg, this is Mr.Rodgers."

"Thank you, Jane." The doctor said to her as she walked out. "Nice to meet you, Captian. Take a seat. "

"The pleasure is all mine and call me Steve."

"Well, Steve. My mental evaluation on James, was, well, different to say the least. He mentioned a Peggy multiple times, saying you still had feelings for her and how the only two major people in your life didn't remember you. But most of all he mumbled about an end of a line. Even monitoring him on cameras he was rocking back and forth saying 'til the end of the line' tho he never told me the meaning, but all in all, I think it comes to severe separation anxiety and PTSD. My physical check showed he hadn't eaten in days, from what I've seen hes only gotten about five hours of sleep in the past twelve days each time he woke up screaming your name. Poor thing. But the most alarming is the cut marks on his right hand. When I asked him about it, he said he was heart broken and felt like he didn't belong anywhere. Guessing by your outburst in court you were his boyfriend?"

"Yes, he and I had been together since we were kids."

She stood up and glanced to the second door. "He's right behind the door, his damage done in the past isn't permanent. Take him home and let him know that." She gave him a set of keys. 

Steve door closed behind him. A jail cell had a figure was sitting on a chair facing the wall. Long tangled hair gave him away. "Hey, Bucky. It's me. Steve."

Bucky turned around slowly. His eyes were misty but one was purple. "Steve?"

Steve unlocked the cell door. Moving to the love of his life. "It's me." Steve reached for Bucky's hand unlocking his hand cuffs. His wrist had scars like he had saw and a raw area of skin where the cuff had been to tight. Life had been so unfair to his Bucky, even when he was on the right side of the law he was still being abused. Steve took his hand and led him past several doors and outside, opened his truck door for him.

Bucky looked to behind streams of tears next to his Captian. "Hey, Punk." His voice broke. 

"Hey, jerk. " Steve started the truck and drove to his apartment. 

Bucky walked behind him, stopping to get a look at the kitchen, living room and a grand panio. "You live here." Steve took off coat.

"We both live here now, Buck. Lets get you changed. " Bucky stood far away from as steve rummaged in his dresser, pulling out a black shirt and long gray sweat pants which bucky pulled on and looked back to Steve. "We gotta figure this thing out and you must be exhausted. "

Bucky nodded at the floor.

Steve toed off his shoes and rested on his side in his bed. "Come 'ere." He pressed his head to Steve's chest and his stomach to Steve's. "Why are you so cold?"

"When they gave me cheap knock off serum they left some things out, like heating and healing factor. "

"They left out healing factor? "

"It takes the same time to heal but it leaves a scar. " a silent break fell over them. Bucky pressed his nose into Steve, sniffling in his sent. "You smell the same."

"And what do I smell like?"

"Like our old deodorant we only wore when we went on double dates.... Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I did."

Bucky's face got red. " _What do you mean, what's her Name? Did she love You? Did she love you more than I did, more than I do? Do you still love her? Do you love her ? Did you kiss her? Do you love her more than me?"_

"You're getting really worked up about a little thing, baby. I love you. You and only you. You're my reason to breathe, I can never love somebody else. As corny as it sounds we're soul mates, I'm afraid to say you're stuck with me. " Steve caressed his hair and kissed the top of his head.

"So we're going together? Or boyfriends as they call it."

"Yep, it's not even twelve and you've found a new home and have a new boyfriend. "

"Are you sure you want me?"

" _Bucky, baaaby. Baby doll, I. Love. You._ give me one reason why I shouldn't. " Steve pulled Bucky into him even  _more._ silence can from Bucky. "see, you cant. Why would you even think for a second I didn't want you ?"

"All those horrible things I did."

"You had no choice. I don't care if you did it. James Buchanan Barnes and the Winter Soldier are two completely different people. "

"I feel like I'm not welcome or don't belong anywhere. "

"Well that's impossible because you fit perfectly in my arms."

" _I_ do, not this clunky thing." Bucky lifted up his metal arm slightly and dropped it on Steve's back again.

"Well if it's apart of you then it's beautiful. "

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky shows Steve a few hidden talents he has picked over the years.

They were still tangled in bed, talking softly back and forth.

"Where did you live before?"

"A tiny place by the museum, that's mostly the reason I found it. "

"Did you visit the museum a lot?"

"Yeah, every day, almost all day. Even a few times at night. "

"You broke in at night?"

"When the nightmares got real bad. I loved to go there. I looked at the tape where we were talking and smiling. Just use, before it all went to hell."

"Its not going to be that way again. I promise. "

"Do you think people will forgive me? "

"Of course. But I don't care what they think and you shouldn't either. "

"Do you think I could be an Avenger?"

"Nick Fury did see you as a good asset to the team."

"They called me that."

"Who called you what?"

"Most of my handlers, they called me the asset. They were horrible. Beat me silly for the hell of it." Bucky kept a calm tone.

"I don't know what to say. I don't what to do."

"'bout what?"

"Everything. I don't know how to make things better."

"You already made things a'  hell of a lot better."

"How did I do anything?"

"Well just being here, together. I missed you so much all that torture wasn't even close to not touching you. Now I sound like the sap."

"So that's the plan, we'll both be Avengers and live together."

"That's the best plan I ever heard. I have a few things at my old apartment I need."

"Great, let's to them and maybe let you use some deodorant."

"Are you trying to tell me I stink, Rogers?"

"Glad you can take a hint, Jerk."

"Punk."

Steve unraveled his arms from Bucky and got out of bed.

Steve was driving slowly watching Bucky reaction to the buildings and lights as the sky turned purple and yellows. "It's a lot more pretty at night now. I don't have to worry about you having a asthma attack or picking a fight with some dick."

"Hey, language. Is this it?" Steve parked in front of building, littered with perfectly lined windows. 

"Not this building. " Bucky chuckled at Steve's question. "I could only eat once a week because I had no money so I sure as hell couldn't afford this place. Mines a little more hidden. And free." Bucky walked to a walk, thickly layed with green lvy. Bucky peeled it to the side showing a old door. He opened slowly but a huge creek bellowed out of the hinges. "Come on, be really quiet, Ms. H's kids might be asleep."

"Who is that? " 

"She's my next door neighbor. "

"How many kids does she have?"

"Seven, when she got arrested once I looked after them for a few weeks." They hiked up the flights up. Steve counted nine before Bucky stopped at a rusted door and slammed his shoulder in to the door, hence the dent where he used his metal arm. "It sticks sometimes. "

"Oh." Steve looked around the room. The walls had his old art work, bullet holes, music sheets, Polaroid pictures and marks of crayons, markers, and something else Steve didn't want to know what. A twin mattress layed on the floor with a few ragged blankets spread over it. The single window had old yellow newspaper clippings from the 30's that had mostly something to do with him and The howling commandos making the only light in the place tinted yellow. A 'kitchen ' had paper plates next to a sink with a cup in it. Bucky put things into a box on a plastic tub he used as a table. 

"Can you take those things off the wall and put them on there?" Bucky nodded to the unclaimed part of the 'table'.

"Sure." Steve quickly pulled down only looking at each paper for a few seconds and putting them in a stack in his hand, pulling down the next. "You sure have a lot of my old drawings. "

"Every single one. When I first got this place I took the bus to Brooklyn. Our old place was still there. The family that ran it passed it down to the next generation, so when we both were a team again they took out our things and stored them away untill I got them back a couple a' years ago."

Steve loved that Bucky said 'team again ', because they were a team. Just him and his Bucky against this old world.

But as Steve gathered more pictures he saw an interesting picture. A little girl that looked very familiar to him with red hair. She lit up the dark room behind her with a big grin missing the front two teeth. 

"Babe. Who is this?" Steve extended his arm to show the picture.

Bucky looked for a minute and smiled. "That's baby Nat."

Steve nearly went shit faced with laughter. Natasha. The deadly assassin that could kill with one look. 'Baby Nat.' He went on to the last bunch which was mostly red static looking marks and blue blurs. He collected them one by one soon he recognized another. A young boy with white hair was sleeping with drool on this cheek but his skin had red dots all over. Experienced with chicken pox himself and bucky, (who got them four times and had to take care of Steve all four times) but the girl with long dark hair resting her chin on his sleeping stomach looking at the camera had droopy eyes and pail skin. 

"Is this Wanda and Pietro Maximoff? "

"Yes. You know em'?"

"Yeah there on the team."

"Always knew those kids would find their way on the right side. "

"Just like you are gonna be. Huh, Buck."

"Can't wait, Stevie. "

He put the full stack on the 'table'

"What next?"

"I think that's about it." Bucky held the neck of a guitar in his hand.

"What is that?"

"This," Bucky moved the brown instrument to his metal hand, playing a few chords, stunning Steve in his place. "This is a guitar. Before I found this place I lived out on the streets. One day this man that only sat in one place stood up, he said to me 'i tried to be a musician for fifty years and this is where it got me. Where I'm going, I'm not going to need it no more.' He gave it to me and walked away. Then I moved in, most of these people that live in this building can play a guitar or an instrument. they taught me, ever since I've been playing."

Steve put the papers in the box, Bucky slung is guitar around his back with the strap on holding another box, walking out the door, Steve trailing behind.

The put all the items in the back seat and hopped in.

He started the truck Steve took Bucky's metal hand in his and kissed the back. "'Love you, Bucky." Steve looked and drove back to the apartment, a route Bucky hoped he would get to know like the back of his mismatched hands but Steve was still occupying the cool one, pressing his lips to it. 

The cars next to them held people with faces lit with screens of which bucky didn't know. Just walking outside of his apartment a year ago, looking at the television seller was a mind blowing. "I'm so lost in this world. Every thing is upside down. "

Steve's blue eyes darted to him and smiled. "Well if it helps, I still have a lot to learn. I made a list of all the things for us to see and do when we were together again."

The truck stop in the same spot and collected their things

Waiting for Steve to use the correct key a blond walked to them, hamper in arms.

"Hey, Steve."

He turned around with an innocent opened mouth look until he gave a smile and voice usually reserved for the double dates Bucky forced them on in Brooklyn . "Hey... Sharon. Good to see you again." 

Her eyes darted to Bucky but in reality she looked at his metal hand that was exposed.

"This is my best friend/ boyfriend James, you know him." Steve talked again but his face was bitter.

"Yeah, of course I do." 

"Hello, miss. Nice to meet you." He moved his boxes and reached out to shake her hand she was just staring at.

"It nice to meet you to James... well I have to go. See you later Steve." Sharon opened and closed the door behind her.

Bucky looked back at Steve who finally opened the door and closed it behind himself after he opened it for Bucky.  Steve locked the door behind him. Even being Captian freaking America himself, and leaving his shield by his bed every night. He always felt safer when the door was bolted. But right now he was furious. All the boxes and guitar were on Steve's big dinning table he never used.

"Spaghetti for dinner, Buck?" 

"Sounds great."

Both took off their shoes, the blonde went around the kitchen getting pots, pans, ingredients and the brunette pulling up a chair the the tall counter.

"I'm sorry."

"For what? This is the best day of my life so far."

"I like to hear that but," one pan on the stove with tomato sauce and a pot with water and dry spaghetti noodles where getting hot, garlic bread in the oven. "Did you see Sharon was looking at your arm and didn't even shake your hand? I'm going to have a talk with her."

"It happens a lot Steve but it was pretty rude not to shake my hand. "

"Tony Stark, he offered to look at it if you want."

"What would he do?"

"I don't know, probably anything you want within reason."

"Could he take it off?"

Steve was stunned for a minute. "Maybe. I could call him."

"I didn't see a telephone anywhere around here."

"Oh no Buck. Awhile back they made mobile phones, see" Steve took out his phone and showed it to Bucky. "You can bring it anywhere."

He was amazed, Steve pressed a button and a small glass light lit up showing the time. Steve moved his finger across it. A few rings started before a voice came from the small thing.

_"what's up Capsickle? "_

"Hey, Tony. I was wondering if you could talk to Bucky if you two wanted to do anything about his arm-"

" _say no more, Cap. I've been dieing to check it out. See you two love birds seven thirty sharp tomorrow morning."_ Tony hung up. 

"That okay with you?"

"Sure, I think your bread is burning."

"Shit." He raced to the oven pulling out the well- done bread, fanning it with a oven mit. "Dinners ready!" 

 

 

 

 


	3. Groggy

The semi-burnt bread was just fine with the spaghetti. Steve swore that he took cooking classes and was a much better chef but Bucky distracted him.

"Big day tomorrow, Buck. Bed time." Steve took the dirty plates to the sink, making a metal note to clean them later. He creeped down the hall to see his Bucky was on the right side of the bed under the sheets. Steve slipped under and held his body to his own. 

Bucky's nose was pressed into Steve's neck. "I love you. "

"I love you to. Til the end of the line. "

"Til the end of the line, Stevie. "

"So nice to have you in my arms again."

"Nice to be here." He joked.

"Go to sleep, jerk."

"Okay, Punk. "

For the first time in months Bucky feel asleep warm happy, but the nightmares didn't hold off.

_"GET AWAY FROM ME HYDRA FREAK! I'M GLAD I DIDN'T CATCH YOU! PIECE OF SHIT."_

_Everything white but mostly freezing. This nightmare wasn't fucking around. Steve was screaming to the top of his lung, towering above. "I'm so sorry. " Bucky squeaked._

_"SORRY DOESN'T BRING BACK THE LIVES **YOU TOOK."** Steve's volume turned down still his words stung like vemon. "You can  **never** the bucky I know, the Bucky I loved. You're just a killer. Nothing more."  A fist flung to his face, he saw his own blood stinging in his_ eyes.

_A blurry hourglass figure came into view behind Steve. Peggy. The figure was Peggy. They looked at each other and walked away. Holding hands. A luxury him and Steve never received in Brooklyn in public. He was alone. Bucky hated being alone with a passion ever since he could remember. Blinding light was the only thing with him, air rushing in but never getting out enough._

A loud and paced noise woke Steve. Bucky's back was flat on the bed under neath him still sleeping. Steve moved his open palm over his warm bicep, it was the only thing to comfort bucky. The breathing stopped for a second before Bucky's eyes flung open, frozen in his place. "I'm sorry. " Steve could barely hear it. 

"Oh, Bucky don't be." Steve swiped his thumb over his eye, catching the tears then the other side.

Bucky's stomach felt floppy and tangled but starting to relax under Steve. Usually it took hours to come down from a nightmare, not a minute. 

A large hand soothed down his hair that was fanned out. "Everything is going to alright. Just breathe. I'm here for you." He let out a breath from his mouth listing to Steve's deep voice. "Do you want to talk about it?" Bucky shook his head. "I think you'll feel better. You gotta let me help you." Bucky's bottom lip fell out before he started to cry again. "Oh, honey. " Steve leaned onto Bucky, covering his chest, just being there. 

"You were yelling at me and then you hit me then you walked away with Peggy-" His crying got more aggressive when he said the name of Steve's old rumored love interest.

"Bucky, Peggy passed away In her sleep eight days ago."

Bucky stopped wailing. "What?"

"She's in a better place. "  **Tump-Tump--Tump-Tump--** Bucky heard Steve's heart. "Don't ever think I love anyone more than you. You're all I have and the same goes for you. "

"It's only us." Bucky was right. They lost everyone else from their generation.

"Yeah." Steve kissed his temple. "Buts gonna be alright."

The grey fog behind Bucky's mind was floating away and fell asleep. Steve dropped his head down on the bed matching his breathing with his Bucky.

 

The morning came faster than Bucky liked but if it brought the possibility of getting the heavy cold weight off him, he was gonna be there and fresh faced. Standing in the elevator with Steve, moving fast to Starks lab. Immediately the door opened and music Bucky never heard. He was used the kind with trumpets blaring and many instruments in the background with a person singing about love. The kind he could dance fast with a pretty Dame after work on a date or his favorite, slow dancing with Steve. He couldn't dance for beans so he would stand on Bucky's feet. Bucky sang in a deep voice next to skinny blonde. 

Tony's music had yelling and lot of drums and guitars screaming. Steve was used to it from the short time he spent at the tower.

"Hey, Tony. We're here! " Steve shouted over the music. Tony stood in the middle of a circle of screens, moving a finger over it.

"Hey, Capsickle and Robocop. Take a seat. " Tony nodded to a worn out brown recliner. Bucky sat, Steve was all smiles standing behind him.  The table next to him was full of sharp instruments. Steel hammers to wrenches to wires. Tony pulled a stool out in front of him, smug. The tiniest tool was taken off the table and fiddled with the tool. "So tell me about it."

"I just want it off for a while. Can you do that?" Bucky held his breath, face scrunched in anticipation. 

"Really Barnes? I thought you had a challenge for me. Give me something hard."

"Umm... I want it detachable and... oh, I want my sense of touch Back! Yeah."

"Easy. Something cool."

Steve watched the dorks go back and forth. "Make it light up." He thought out loud.

Bucky twisted his neck to see Steve and turn back with a dopey grin. "And change colors."

"I didn't know you two geezers had an imagination. " Tony moved around the table and touched the thin layer of metal around his left shoulder to prod until he pressed to far down and caused Bucky to flinch. 

"Yeah, cause everthin' was black and white back then." He hissed.

Steve pulled a chair to the side of Bucky's and held Bucky's hand that had cold calloused fingertips with his big warm one. Tony looked briefly at the display of affection. "I also didn't know you two were  _that_ good of friends."

"Better be. I took more black eyes, cuts, bullets and worst of all, this punks bullshit than I can count. Probably cause I dropped out off high school to take care of him.."

"We stared going together since we were fifteen." Steve clarified. 

"And how could I forget, the runny noses I wiped, the puke I cleaned."

"81 years. When are you gonna pop the question, Rogers?" Tony smirked 

"Yeah Steve." Bucky's head was secretly swimming with worry and excitement. They had talked about marriage inbetween hot sweaty breaks of love making, tiny Steve whispering so quietly in Bucky's ear.

 _ **(Flashback)**_  

  _The room had a yellow gleam from the dim lights. Bucky's and Steve's breath was fast. Steve's cum was dripping from Bucky's ass and they both had a bit of Bucky's release on their stomachs. Steve's mouth was pressed to Buck's ear._

_"You're so pretty Buck. I'm gonna have to put a ring on that hand." He kissed his temple and moved his fingers in the drenched almost black hair on the sides. "I even' know what it's gonna look like. Dimonds are gonna look so amazing on you. Might have to wear another when you work at the docks."_

_Both knew it was all talk. Marriage sounded impossable, let alone the risk of being beaten or killed for even holding hands. Some days Bucky thinks he'll never be able to love Steve out in public unaffected, unafraid and happy. Other days he was sure it would happen._

**_(End of Flashback)_ **

"I-I don't know."

"Wait, Steve hold that thought I think I found something thing." Steve raced to Tony. "Hold here." Steve gripped around the under side of Bucky's metal bicep. "Slowly now. " The arm sank slowly down on the table. Steve could see deep dark blood dripping off the remains of Bucky's arm. 

"You okay there Capsickle? "

Steve thought he was about to puke. The most minor of war injuries Bucky had obtained had Steve hovering or sick.

Steve sat down on the chair by next to Bucky. Tony wiped the blood off and stitched to open cuts. 


	4. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky get some things off their chests.

Bucky's 'nub' as he called it was bandaged in white gauze and popped a few pain killers.

"Thanks Tony! " Bucky yelled over his shoulder, Steve guided Bucky by his waist.

By the time they reached the steps of the apartment Bucky realized this was going to be a lot harder then he thought. With each step he felt like he was gonna fall to the left or backwards even with Steve right behind him. 

Steve walked around Bucy and opened the door for him. As Steve shook his jacket off bucky stood a few feet away.

"I love you."

"I love you more , Buck."

"Why?"

Steve froze, mouth slightly open with confusion . "Why do I love you?"

"Yeah, how could you love someone like me?" 

"There's so many reasons why I should." Steve crossed the distance between them to cradle Bucky in his arms. 

"No, you can't." Bucky pushed lazily way. His breathing picked up and his face turned red from anger.

"Bucky, I've loved you so much since we were kids, I remember. I remember when I first knew I loved you with everything in me, Bucky. It was my birthday and the fireworks were going off and my ma thought you had left and I was asleep. But we were sitting next to each other. You were looking at them and I was looking at you. I don't remember seeing any fireworks but I remember every. single. color. Because I saw them in your eyes and on your face." Steve spoke desperately. Bucky looked like he was about to believe him but he just needed a little push, like gravity. Steve cupped his hands around Bucky's face. "Bucky, James, you are loved. You don't feel like it because you think you don't deserve it. But I'm here to tell you, you are loved. For seventy years you were told you don't deserve love, to have an opinion, to feel like a real person but you are, you are. What happened to you is completely my fault. If I just had let you be discharged from the army, you would've been fine, perfect. We wouldn't be two men lost in a different century. You would of found somebody else-"

"No, I couldn't of found anybody else because there's nobody else worth finding. You know What? I'm glad you didn't catch me. I'm happy. You wanna know Why? Because you would of caught me and we would of gotten together again and maybe you wouldn't of given up as good ol' Captian America and grown old with me in hiding or we would've have killed skull, and grow old together in hiding. I would lose an arm and be captured by HYDRA to live through it all again, maybe More! Probably. Because in this world we live in now we're excepted. I can love you all I want and you can love me all you want and not give one worry about being killed. Because I'd rather die than not be with you. Nothing can compare to being without you. So don't say there's somebody else. You woke up to a world that name you a hero without a time, I woke up to a world that wanted me dead, tortured, hated me. I thought you couldn't love me anymore, even if you tried." Bucky let out a breath, relived to say it.

 "I tried to cover the pain of losing you with Sharon and even Peggy, didn't even make a single dent. You are my world. Nobody else for me. I just want you to say 'I am loved.' Can you say that? Because I know you know, you just won't let yourself believe it."

"I am loved. I am loved by Steve Rogers and only him. And that's all that really matters to me. I believe he loves me with all my heart. And when I say I love him, I mean it with everything inside me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are great!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Songs Used in order, Pink Rabbits, I'll Be Good, Done Stealin', Cancer, I Don't Love You, Miss Missing You, 21 Guns, This Is Gospel, The Ghost Of You, The End and Angel With A Shotgun. None of these are mine, all credit goes to the artists.
> 
> I know I definitely got some trial/law and order things wrong.
> 
> And, most if all, My chemical romance being on the radio is more rare than a double rainbow, unicorn and a unsuccessful trip to hot topic all put together. Even though I still love them. : )


End file.
